Autism friendly businesses: Tate's Comics

Well, time for another edition of local businesses who have shown to be friendly to special needs customers in general and to Jason, specifically.  This time the spotlight falls on Tate's Comics+Toys+Videos+More, a place where you can find me every Wednesday.  This has been my comic shop since 1997, when I moved to Broward County, Florida.  My first visit was with Arlene, who was pregnant with Jason at the time.  Jason's first visit in person came just a few weeks after he was born.  The staff at Tate's has seen Jason grow up into a young man, and have always gone out of their way to make Jason feel welcomed in the store.  Jason loves going to the store, especially when he knows he's walking out with something.  Visits to Tate's have often been used as bribes for getting him to behave or to get through an unpleasant experience.

Jason will usually be found doing one of three things in the store.  One is watching one of the three TVs located in the store, playing DVDs or old cartoons.  He will be entranced and totally lose track of time.  Another place is the Transformers section.  He has no problem looking at all of the old figures and calculating how many chores he has to do to earn enough money to buy Astrotrain or Galvatron.

His favorite section, by far though, is the Star Wars section.  Figures, spaceships, lightsabers, you name it, he wants it.  It's always a safe bet to find him checking out what figures they have that he needs.

As great as the merchandise is, what makes Tate's such a great place to go to with Jason is the staff.  From Tate himself, his wife Amanda, his dad Tony, to JoAnn, Anthony (both of them), Nakia, Kathy, Steven, Kreisten, Edwin and Katelyn, there is no shortage of cool people to hang out with and talk to.

The top pic is of Katelyn, Anthony R. and JoAnn, while the bottom one is of Anthony A. and Nakia sitting on Santa's chair in the middle of the store.  Every weekend during the holidays, they have a "substitute" Santa there to take pictures with the kids and ask them what they want for the holidays.  The best part?  It's free!  They have had Spider-Man, Godzilla, Batman and Donkey Kong!  This Friday, from 5-7pm, it will be Yoshi from the Mario Bros. games, and then Saturday from 10am to noon, it's Darth Vader taking the kids holiday requests!  Click on the link in the first paragraph and it will take you to their website, which includes links to the pictures from the previous substitute Santas.

This store has a little bit for everyone.  DVDs, toys, action figures, statues, comics, graphic novels, plushies, t-shirts, wallets, even lightsaber chopsticks!!  The second floor of the store is the Bear and Bird Boutique + Gallery, and two doors down is Tate's Gaming Satellite.  There are links to both at the top and bottom of the main web page, be sure to check them out as well as they have great merchandise and fantastic events all throughout the year.  Tate's has even won the prestigious Will Eisner Spirit of Comics Retailer Award for best comic shop in the world.  Yes, they beat out comic shops from around the world for that honor.

Hope renewed

Well, some people have noted that it's been a long while since I posted on this blog, or made any significant posts on Facebook.  There are a couple of reasons for that, primary among them is the fact that I have been battling a deep depression the last few months.  I had a lot of things rolling around in my head, and I fell into a dark place.  I am doing a little better, but there's still some work to be done on my part.  There are realistic, attainable goals for 2012 that I can and will meet, to make life better for Arlene and Jason.  Decisions that need to be made, financially, personally, health-wise and others.  What has helped me the most during this period, has been the love and support that I have gotten from Arlene and Jason, as well as from others who did not know what I was going through, but helped me nonetheless.  It's true that you never know what effect you are having on someone, because you don't know what is going on inside of them.  To all those who stuck by us, even though you had no idea what kind of tough times we were going through, I thank you.  These are debts I can never repay.  Jason's life, especially, is all the better for all of you being in it.

I have struggled to maintain the positive outlook that is the basis of this blog.  I have had a hard time believing that all will be well.  I have tried to be a rock for my family, to not show any cracks where fear could creep into the equation.  I have learned, however, that it's ok to show sadness and fear while still being a rock.  The truth is that being a rock doesn't mean being fearless.  It means overcoming that fear with the hope of a better day.  The Christmas season is an annual reminder of peace and hope for the whole world, so what better time to shake off the fears of yesterday and reach out for the hope of a better tomorrow?  I guess that's the message my Christmas tree has been trying to give me:

We all have the ability to make our lives better.  It's not easy, it's not quick, but it CAN be done.  Some of us can't do it alone.  There is no shame in that.  There is no shame in asking for help when you truly need it.  Why is it ok to ask your friends and family to help you move, but we think twice about asking them to listen to our problems or just be a shoulder to cry on?  You can still be strong and get help at the same time.  Don't ever believe that no one cares, because there is always at least one person who cares about what happens to you.  I want to conclude this post with a quote from a comic book.  Some of you just rolled your eyes, but I showed it to Arlene the other day and she agreed that it was very true.  The quote is from the graphic novel "Batgirl Rising", written by Bryan Q. Miller with art by Lee Garbett and Trevor Scott.  Batgirl says "A guy asked me a question the other day about why people run when things get tough.  That's easy, you can become someone else wherever you land, right?  Who's gonna know the difference?  So why stay?  Why set yourself up for more failure?  for more pain?  Also easy, because we don't know how to do anything else.  So why stay?  Why open yourself up to all the bad you've tried to leave behind?  The only variable you can control is yourself.  You can forget who you are, or you can be who you want to be.  That's why you stay.  You stay for a second chance."  Give yourselves that second chance.  It's really not as hard as you may think.  Till next time, folks.

Swimming

Well, it's been almost a month since my last post.  We've been neck deep in stuff almost nonstop.  Jason has had two competitions since my last post, and I wanted to talk about both of them.

The first one was on October 1st, in Sebastian, FL.  It was the Florida State Aquatics Championships for Special Olympics.  Jason had qualified for this event back in late August, when he finished in first place in three events.  He swam the same three events this time around as well.  His first event was the 50 meter freestyle.  When he got up on the starting block, he was complaining that the block was too hot.  He wanted the volunteer that was with him to splash some water on it to cool it off.  The guy misunderstood him and thought he was afraid of being up on the block.  He kept trying to tell Jason that it was ok to start off the side of the pool, but Jason was telling him that he had to start off the block.  (Sidenote: the City team teaches him to always start off the block, because their competitions don't allow you to start anywhere else other than off the block.)  Then the guy felt he had to hold Jason's arm, still thinking he was afraid.  We were all yelling at him to let Jason go, because he couldn't get set properly.  The guy released him one second before the start of the race, so Jason just dove awkwardly, not getting set comfortably.  He gained speed in the water, and passed several people.  He finished in second place by less than a second, earning him a silver medal.

The second event was the 50 meter breaststroke.  This time, we sent him to the starting block with a bottle of water, so he could cool off the block himself.  He was neck and neck almost the whole race with someone, but got a boost the last few strokes.  He finished in first place, earning a gold medal.  His last event was a 4x50 meter freestyle relay.  The other races the team swam, they had a set order they would swim in, with Jason being third in the water.  For some reason, the order got changed for this race, with Jason leading off, instead of going third.  The change in order affected all four of them, and they finished third, earning a bronze medal.

As proud as we were with what he accomplished that weekend, the following weekend was probably even more impressive and inspirational to us.  On October 8th and 9th, Jason was scheduled to swim five events in his first ever meet for Sunrise Swimming, his original team.  These were not special needs kids he would be competing against now.  Now, it was "regular" kids that had been swimming competitively since 8 years old in some cases.  Jason's 13 now, and just started swimming competitively this year.  Needless to say, our expectations were adjusted accordingly.  All we wanted was for him to get through it.  Just swim.  If he could avoid getting disqualified in all of his events, that would be a bonus.  We really weren't asking for a whole lot.  Unfortunately, his Saturday races (50 meter freestyle and 50 meter breaststroke) were canceled due to lightning in the area. 

That left three events on Sunday.  His first race was the 50 meter backstroke.  He had never swum this in a race before, so we were very nervous as to how he would do on this.  He finished with a time of 1:02.31 (unofficial) which was last place by 14 seconds.  None of us cared about what place it was, though, as we were just ecstatic that he didn't get disqualified and hung in with them.  His coach gave him some tips for next time, but was very proud of how he did.  Next was the 100 meter breaststroke.  He finished in last place by four seconds, but his time was not announced because he was disqualified for an improper stroke.  He brought his hands down to his hips, which is too far down.  To his credit, he took the DQ in stride, did not get upset at all.  He wasn't happy about it, but kept his cool.  The official that disqualified him remembered us from other events that we volunteered at in previous years, so he was very careful in how he told him about the DQ.  We found out the coaches talked to the officials prior to the start of the day, letting them know about Jason's autism and bipolar.  It did NOT change how he was judged, it was simply a heads up in case Jason got riled up.  His last event was the 100 meter freestyle.  His unofficial time is 1:31.52 but the more impressive thing was that he did not finish last.  He beat another guy by four seconds.  Afterwards, his coach was very happy and impressed with Jason's performance.  They said he had better times than they were expecting him to have.  Another thing that stood out was that the head official made a point of telling Jason how well he had performed and that we should be proud of what he had accomplished.  In all of the events we have volunteered at, I cannot recall a time where any official told a swimmer they had done well.  That really got to us.

All in all, we are very happy and proud of how Jason did at both events, for different reasons.  Both weekends were very emotional for us.  We are thankful to a lot of people that helped us get through these last two weeks.  He is finished with Special Olympics for this year, at least.  However, he will be swimming again with Sunrise Swimming on November 5th and another one in December.  The November meet will be at the Swimming Hall of Fame in Ft. Lauderdale, the December meet will be in Coral Springs, where Olympic swimmer Dara Torres trains.  No matter what happens, as far as I'm concerned, Jason was a winner the minute he hit the water.  There were a lot of people that told us this would never happen.  We even told Jason that people were doubting whether or not he could do it.  He did a great job in proving a lot of people wrong.  There were a lot of tears, but they were good ones.

New Jersey trip 2011

Sometime in May, Jason started saying to us that he wanted to go to NJ, because there was no homework or swim practice there.  He had just started practicing with Special Olympics, while continuing to practice with Sunrise Swimming.  So he was swimming six days a week, plus his regular school work.  We told him that it was impossible to go, which he didn't like, but he accepted it to a certain degree.  I say to a certain degree because he never missed an opportunity to mention going up.  Finally, I said to Arlene, let's do it.  Her answer was that I was crazier than he was.  I talked to her about it some more, crunched some numbers, and managed to convince her.  We decided to go up for a week in early August.  We then decided not to tell anyone, and make it a surprise visit.  That meant not telling Jason either, because we were afraid he would slip up.

So school ends, and we start getting visitors from NJ from Arlene's family.  Good times were had, with the occasional comment about how nice it would be for us to go up.  Arlene and I would always say that we couldn't go.  The summer kept rolling on, Jason swimming hard and often.  Meanwhile, we're quietly getting things organized for the trip.  Stuff like getting the car ready, prepping entertainment for him on the road, etc.  Jason had never been on a road trip this long before.  His previous road trips were to Tampa and Orlando.  We had some uncertainty about how he was going to react after a certain amount of hours.

Finally, it's the night before we leave.  Everything is ready and now we tell him where we're going.  At first, he is ecstatic.  Then we tell him that we're not flying, but driving.  He made it very clear that driving was too long and he wanted to fly.  I told him, we don't have the money to fly, so it's driving or no trip.  Needless to say, he quickly decided that driving was acceptable.  I am happy to report, though, that he handled the trip like a champion.  Thanks to his portable DVD player, his iPod and the hand-me-down iPad from his Tio Pepe, he barely spoke a word to us on the road.  He played games, watched movies and cartoons, listened to music and just generally had a good time before we even got to NJ.

When we arrived, it was a LOT of fun for all three of us to see the looks on everyone's faces.  It was also fun calling Arlene's mom and my parents to tell them where we were.  My dad didn't believe us at first, and remained skeptical the next day, until I took a picture of Jason in front of the house and sent it to him.  We got several calls from them while on the road, always covering our tracks.  We wouldn't even let Jason get on the phone, for fear of slipping up. 

The trip was great for all of us.  We stayed at Arlene's sister Solangel's house, with her brother-in-law Pepe and nephew Alex.  We spent a lot of time with them, as well as our future niece Ashley, niece Mimi, her husband Ian and grandniece Ava.  (Yes, I have a grandniece, but I'm not old yet)  We went to the Teardrop Memorial in Bayonne, took Jason to a Lego store and gave him his first taste of White Castle and Smashburger.  Jason and I took one day to visit our old hometown of West New York, NJ.  We were at Weehawken Cemetary to see my grandparents and my childhood friend Cary.  We hung out for a while with one of my best friends, Alan.  We visited my old house, as well as Arlene's old house.  We walked around Bergenline Avenue, checking out the shops, including a visit to A & S Comics in North Bergen, where I used to buy my comics as a kid.  I also visited my cousins Arecia and Margaret at their shop, Arecia's Creations.  The three of us had dinner one night with another one of my best friends, Lorenzo and his wife Raquel and their two kids, Wally and Laura.  After dinner, we went to an Italian festival one of the churches in Jersey City was having.  Wally won a stuffed animal at one of the games and promptly gave it to Jason.  Jason won one himself, and said he was going to give one to Ava and bring the other one back to Florida for our nephew Daniel.  We had dinner another night with our cousin Juan and his wife Agi and their son George.  Afterwards, we went back to the house and talked and played games the rest of the night. Arlene even got to do some wedding dress shopping with Ashley.

The trip back was bittersweet, because the week seemed to fly by before we knew it.  I stole some pictures from Ashley, Alex, Mimi and Pepe for my photo album, which does have a few of my own pictures.  The link to the pics is New Jersey 2011.  I would have taken more of my own pictures, but I was having so much fun that I forgot half the time to do it.  All in all, Jason came home very happy and ready to tackle swimming again.  He also went back to school with a much better attitude than how he normally starts the school year.  Maybe we need to do this kind of trip every year. ;0)

Autism videos

Here are two videos I had to share.  One is a short two minute animated film and the other is about a girl named Carly.  Please let me know what you think of them.

Autism friendly businesses, part 4

Here is a website Arlene has purchased from many times.  The owner is a mother, whose son was diagnosed 8 years ago.  She has everything from t-shirts, car decals, jewelry, tote bags, just a whole lot of stuff.  Here's the website: I Love A Child With Autism.  The merchandise is great and it helps support a family who is going through the trials and tribulations of having a loved one with autism.  Their business card is below.

Autism friendly businesses, part 3

During our surprise trip to New Jersey (more on that in a separate post), I took Jason to White Castle, knowing he would at least like the French fries and vanilla shakes.  To my surprise, White Castle had a promotion going on (don't know if it still is or isn't going on) where you could donate $1 to Autism Speaks.  I ate at White Castle twice while I was up there, and donated both times.  What made me even happier, was seeing the walls of the restaurant FULL of people making donations.  (They had a paper puzzle piece that you wrote your name on and put it up on the wall of the restaurant)  Anyone that has a White Castle nearby, stop in and help the cause.  Here's their website with a store locator: White Castle

To continue the restaurant theme, here in South Florida, Jason really enjoys going to Cannoli Kitchen.  It's a combination pizzeria/restaurant with a drive-thru.  Everyone there knows Jason VERY well and don't even ask what he's eating anymore.  They are very patient with his eccentricities.  The food is great and we use our trips there as an incentive for Jason to behave himself at swimming and school.  Their link is here: Cannoli Kitchen.  Here's the business card from the one we go to.

Superman related items stolen from mentally disabled man in St. Louis

Sometimes things really get me where it hurts.  Here's a guy who just wanted a little friendship and shows it to someone who ends up robbing him of most of his cherished Superman collection.  Read the article for yourself: Superman items stolen.  I feel horrible for this guy.

Autism friendly businesses, part 2

During one of Jason's Special Olympics swim practices, we met a wonderful lady named Kerri Gordon, who was selling something rather unique.  She had homemade autism pins that she was selling for $5 each, benefiting the Dan Marino Foundation.  The uniqueness of the pins is that they are different colors, with special things attached to them.  For example, I got a New York Yankees pin, which is made up of a white puzzle piece with a navy blue star over it (the Yankees colors) with a little baseball on top of that.  I also got a Miami Hurricanes pin, which was a green puzzle piece with an orange star (the Hurricanes colors) with a little football on top.  There's pins with flowers, fire trucks, seashells, the works.  They're really well done and benefit an important autism organization.  You can find their Facebook page here: Facebook page for Puzzlepin.com.  They're working on an actual web page for the pins, but please go to the Facebook page and check out the pictures of the different pins.  Pins include American flags, police cars, babies (blue or pink), just really cool stuff.

Now, Kerri has a very personal reason for working so diligently on these pins: her son also has autism.  Kerri also has her own business, doing event planning, catering, gift baskets and more.  Below are pictures of her business card.

It's always good to support businesses that are friendly to autistic customers, but it's also important to support businesses that are owned by families coping with autism.  If you know of any business that is "autism friendly", please pass it on so I can showcase them on here.

Autism friendly businesses, part 1

Every so often, I will post about businesses that either cater to people with autism or are flexible in handling autistic clientele.  One such business is Magic Cuts Service Salon, located at 15912 West State Road 84 in Weston, Florida.  Below is their business card, front and back.

We found out about this place after telling people what a hard time we had cutting Jason's hair.  Because of his sensitivity to loud noise, getting a haircut at a regular Hair Cuttery or Supercuts wasn't feasible.  The buzzing of the clippers drove him crazy.  So we started to cut it ourselves in our backyard.  I am still amazed to this day that the cops were never called to my house on haircut days.  Jason would sound like he was being tortured (which, to him, that's what we were doing).  It would always take hours.  Someone finally told us to go to Magic Cuts, that they handled autistic clients.  I was skeptical, but I had nothing to lose.  When we got there, the place seemed like heaven.  One side was designed to handle adults, while the other had TVs with VCRs and Nintendo 64s for the kids to entertain themselves while getting a haircut.  When we explained Jason's problem, they were very understanding and showed me exactly how they were going to cut Jason's hair without any issues.  They use a special clipper that is SILENT!!!!  It was on and I couldn't tell until I placed my hand on it and felt it vibrating.  Jason LOVED it!!  We have been going there ever since, and Jason now actually ASKS to be taken to get his hair cut if it gets even just a little too long.  Here are some picture I took the last time we were there.

More businesses to come!!!

Area 10 Regional Championships in Sebastian, FL 8/20/11

Well, Jason had his latest swim competition on August 20th in Sebastian, FL for Special Olympics.  The meet was for Broward, Palm Beach, St. Lucie, Martin and Indian River counties.  He swam three events: 50M freestyle, 50M breaststroke and 4X50M freestyle relay.  Because of our trip to NJ and his other swim team taking a week off from practice, Jason only had one practice session in the 15 days leading up to this event.  We were concerned that he would be rusty or not want to participate in the first place.

That fear was misplaced, however, as he took first place in his division in all three events.  During warmups, he didn't get to dive off of the starting blocks, which hurt him in the first event.  He needs to get one or two dives off during warmups to get over his fear of it, but he wasn't allowed to do so at this event.  Consequently, when he dove in for the first event, he dove awkwardly and emerged dead last.  Like a champion, he then fought his way to the front and take first place.  The other two events went much smoother for him, with the relay not even being close.  His lack of practice makes it even more impressive, and the heat that day was unbearable and he didn't even flinch about it.  Next up, the State Aquatics Tournament on October 1-2, once again in Sebastian, FL.

Holy August!!!

Tomorrow will be a full month since I last posted on the blog, but it hasn't been from lack of wanting to.  Time has not been my friend this month.  We had another swimming competition for Jason, a road trip to New Jersey, Arlene's birthday, and another visit from her sister and brother-in-law.  More on all of that in separate posts, just wanted to write something quick saying that I'm still here and the blog's not going away anytime soon.

The Dawn of the Teenage Era is now upon us

As I write this post, it is 12:39am on Saturday, July 30th, 2011.  That means that I am now officially the father of a teenage boy.  If I thought puberty sucked before, I'm really in for it now.  I have already noticed the slight changes going on mentally from boyhood to adolescence.  He is moving away slightly from action figures and spending more time with his iPod.  He notices things more than he used to and is more sensitive to how people perceive him.  In a nutshell, he is growing up. 

We've tried hard to make him as good a person as possible.  As he transitions from boy to man, I see that some of our lessons have sunk in.  He is polite, thoughtful, caring.  He has a good heart and a kind spirit.  I still worry, that's my job, but I feel better about him now than I did a few years ago.  Just when we think we have gone as far as we can go, he always manages to surprise us with his ability to go just a little farther.  That alone makes me as proud a father as you'll ever find.

So on this day, when my son turns 13, I want to tell him just how much I love him.  How I cherish every moment we spend together.  Even the bad ones.  There is nothing more important to me than Jason, and I will keep fighting to try and make his life as great as it can be.  He deserves nothing less.  Happy 13th birthday, Jason Claro Duran.  Daddy loves you more than you could ever imagine.

Having conquered Orlando, it's on to Sebastian on August 20th for the regional meet

Yes, that's right.  Jason will next be competing on August 20th in Sebastian, FL during a Special Olympics regional meet.  It will be at North County Regional Park, located at 9450 95th Street (CR 512), Sebastian, FL 32958.  The competition is scheduled to run from 8am to 2pm on Saturday for the long course events (which are the ones Jason is swimming in) and then the short course events will be on Sunday.  Jason is only swimming on Saturday, so anyone who cares to join us and cheer him on, please feel free.  As I get more info on this event, I will pass it along to everyone.

Next stop: Orlando and swim meet #2!

Well, we've barely been able to fully appreciate Jason's accomplishment this past weekend, before having to prepare to do it all over again.  Jason will be participating in another meet in Orlando that's being run by the YMCA.  Some of his teammates will be there from Special Olympics, but it isn't a Special Olympics event.  He has already been informed that he will be traveling this weekend to another meet, and he seems to be ok with it so far.  This time, the pool is indoors, but supposedly the building still gets hot anyway.  I say, it can't get much hotter than it was during the first meet outside.  The meet will be at the YMCA Aquatic Family Center, the website for the facility is http://www.ymcacentralflorida.com/y-locations/aquatic-center/.  Anybody in the Orlando area that wants to come cheer him on during the meet on Saturday, please feel free.  The more, the merrier.  I will post the results as soon as we have them.  Wish us luck!!!!

The first swim meet is in the books!!!!!

It was hotter than the surface of the sun out there today, but Jason's first swim meet is in the books.  I am very proud of my son today, he did an awesome job!  For starters, the swimmers were in a different area than the families all day, which he was not expecting.  He took the change in stride and stayed in the swimmers' area by himself, without giving anyone any trouble. 

His first event was the 50 meter freestyle.  When he tried to get on the starting block, it apparently wasn't set properly and sunk into place when he put his weight on it.  At that point, he wanted no part of it, and decided he wanted to start in the water.  The unofficial results of that race was a third place finish, less than one second behind second place!!  It was all the more impressive considering that second place had dove off of the starting blocks, giving him an advantage on Jason.  The fact that Jason had made up the advantage and made the race so close was unreal.  Once they went to the official times, however, they found that Jason had touched the time pads on the wall before the other guy.  So Jason was awarded the second place ribbon for that race!!!

His second event was the 50 meter breaststroke.  He gave it his all and ended with an unofficial finish of third place.  However, one of the other boys was disqualified, causing Jason to be awarded a second place finish in that race as well. 

His final event was a 4x50 meter freestyle relay.  That means you have a team of four guys swimming 50 meters freestyle each.  The first guy will jump in and swim to one end, where the second will jump in and swim back the other way to where the third is waiting.  He then jumps in and swims down to the fourth, who swims back the other way to finish the race.  Jason was the third man up on his team.  The first two guys gave Jason a lead, and he didn't give it up.  He passed along that same lead to the anchor leg (#4) who blew away everyone with his speed to easily win the event, giving Jason a first place finish in the relay!!!

All in all, everything went very well, outside of the unbearable heat with no shade anywhere.  My parents came to cheer him on, as did his behavior therapist, a few friends of ours and some of Jason's teammates from Sunrise Swimming (his regular swim team).  His other team had a meet today as well, but the ones who weren't competing in that meet were kind enough to come and lend their support to Jason today.  He was thrilled when he saw his teammates had come.  We can't thank everyone enough for having come out to cheer him on.  It meant a lot to him and to us.  Below are some of the pics we got, more to follow as I get them from other cameras.  Before anyone asks, yes, that is Aquaman on my shirt.  What other super hero am I supposed to wear to my son's swim meet?

Special Olympics Broward County swim meet July 16th, 2011

Ok, folks.  A lot of people have been asking me for the information regarding Jason's first swim meet.  I got all of the details at this morning's practice, including a flyer for the parents.  The flyer is attached below, with all of the pertinent info.  The only thing missing from the flyer is the price of admission, which is $0.  That's right, folks. Absolutely free.  Special Olympics does NOT charge admission to their events.  The meet is at Nova Southeastern University's pool, SW 36th street, Davie, FL.  Opening Ceremonies are at 8am and competition is set to begin at 9am.  Let me know if you need any further information.  I know that not everyone can go, but we wanted to make all of the information available to everyone.  That way, everyone could figure out what to do on their own.  If you can't go, wish Jason good luck on his first swim meet ever.

Happy Anniversary

I just wanted to wish a very happy anniversary to my wife, Arlene.  We met on July 7th, 1992 and got married July 8th, 1995.  19 years together in one form or another, and I wouldn't have anyone else at my side to face the challenges thrown at us.  I hope we have many, many more.

Required Reading (or at least it should be)

Here are some books that might be helpful for anyone dealing with autism.  The first three are written by Temple Grandin, a scientist with a Ph.D. who happens to be autistic.  The fourth is written by her mother, talking about the challenge of raising an autistic child in the 50s, before autism was as exposed as it is now.  The last two are general information books that may be helpful to anyone raising a child with autism or Asperger's.

The Way I See It: A Personal Look at Autism and Asperger’s by Temple Grandin     $ 9.29

In this innovative book, Dr. Temple Grandin gets down to the REAL issues of autism, the ones parents, teachers, and individuals on the spectrum face every day. Temple offers helpful do’s and don’ts, practical strategies, and try-it-now tips, all based on her “insider” perspective and a great deal of research. These are just some of the specific topics Temple delves into:

    How and Why People with Autism Think Differently

    Economical Early Intervention Programs that Work

    How Sensory Sensitivities Affect Learning

    Behaviors Caused by a Disability vs. Just Bad Behaviors

    Teaching People with Autism to Live in an Unpredictable World

    Alternative Medicine vs. Conventional Medicine

    Employment Ideas for Adults with Autism

Thinking in Pictures: My Life with Autism by Temple Grandin    $ 8.86

Temple Grandin, Ph.D., is a gifted animal scientist who has designed one-third of all the livestock-handling facilities in the United States. She also lectures widely on autism--because Temple Grandin is autistic, a woman who thinks, feels, and experiences the world in ways that are incomprehensible to the rest of us.

In this unprecedented book, Grandin delivers a report from the country of autism. Writing from the dual perspectives of a scientist and an autistic person, she tells us how that country is experienced by its inhabitants and how she managed to breach its boundaries to function in the outside world. What emerges in Thinking in Pictures is the document of an extraordinary human being, one who, in gracefully and lucidly bridging the gulf between her condition and our own, sheds light on the riddle of our common identity.

Emergence, Labeled Autistic: A True Story by Temple Grandin     $ 8.88

A true story that is both uniquely moving and exceptionally inspiring, Emergence is the first-hand account of a courageous autistic woman who beat the odds and cured herself. As a child, Temple Grandin was forced to leave her "normal" school and enroll in a school for autistic children. This searingly honest account captures the isolation and fears suffered by autistics and their families and the quiet strength of one woman who insisted on a miracle.

A Thorn in my Pocket: Temple Grandin’s Mother Tells the Family Story by Eustacia Cutler    $19.96

A Thorn in My Pocket is Eustacia Cutler's story of raising her daughter, Temple Grandin, in the conservative Leave-it-to-Beaver world of the fifties, a time when children with autism were routinely diagnosed as "infant schizophrenics" and banished to institutions. She tells of her fight to keep Temple in the mainstream of family, community, and school life, how Temple responded and went on to succeed, as Ms. Cutler puts it, "beyond my wildest dreams." Ms. Cutler also explores the nature of the autism disorder as doctors understand it today, and how its predominant characteristics reflect our own traits in an exaggerated form.

How to Teach Life Skills to Kids with Autism or Asperger’s by Jennifer McIlwee Meyers    $17.92

No matter how high-functioning children with autism or Asperger's may be, they are going to have trouble as adults if they lack skills such as personal hygiene or multi-tasking. Enter Jennifer McIlwee Myers, Aspie at Large. Co-author of the groundbreaking book Asperger's and Girls, Jennifer's personal experience with Asperger's Syndrome and having a brother with autism makes her perspective doubly insightful. From basic skills such as domestic chores, dressing for success, and being polite, to abstract concepts like time management and task-switching, Jennifer's straightforward and humorous delivery will keep parents, teachers, and therapists turning the page for the next creative solution.

1001 Great Ideas for Teaching and Raising Children with Autism or Asperger’s/Edition 2     $14.45

Winner of a Teachers’ Choice Award, the first edition of this book has already become a bestseller throughout the autism community. Now, in this expanded edition, authors Ellen Notbohm (best-selling author of the revolutionary book Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew) and Veronica Zysk (award-winning author, and editor of Autism Asperger's Digest magazine) have added over 400 new ideas, which are complimented by a new layout specially designed to enhance the readers’ experience. With this book, parents and professionals can bypass countless hours spent seeking answers to the mystifying day-to-day challenges of autism.

Bipolar Mysteries

I don't know if all cable or satellite systems carry it, but I urge everyone to please watch a documentary called "Bipolar Mysteries" on Discovery Fit & Health (ch. 261 on DirecTV) this Friday, July 8th at 11am.  It follows four families struggling to raise children suffering from bipolar disorder.  Of particular interest to us was the segment featuring an 11 year old girl named Kelsey.  Her case shared many similarities to Jason, not the least of which they are both swimmers.  Her facial expressions, closed fists and growling during an episode are almost identical to Jason. 

Here is a link to the TV listings page for the show on the channel's website.  It allows you to set up an email reminder for the show, and in the top right hand corner of the page, helps you find the channel on your local service.  The link is http://health.discovery.com/tv-schedules/special.html?paid=62.8515.129676.0.0. 

Fireworks

As we approach the Independence Day weekend, most people are looking forward to cookouts, sun and fun at the beach, maybe a baseball game, family time and fireworks.  This is one of the two times of the year that I dread.  Children with autism have their senses a little more sensitive than the rest of us.  Bright lights or strong smells, like ammonia or fish, will bother them a great deal.  Loud noises are no exception.  When Jason was younger, July 4th meant laying in his bed with him, earplugs in place, as he curled up in the fetal position with both of our hands over his ears.  If anyone on our block had fireworks, it was that much worse.  He likes watching the Macy's fireworks from New York on TV, he just doesn't want to hear the loud booms.

As he's gotten older, his tolerance has gotten better, but that is not true of all kids in the same boat.  It also doesn't mean it's not a problem today.  Two years ago, we went to Disney and stayed for the fireworks at Cinderella's castle.  With earplugs firmly in place, we thought we had everything covered.  Once the show started, however, he buried his face in my chest as we tried to cover his ears with our hands to reinforce the plugs.  To his credit, he didn't make us leave and stood there the whole time so that we could see the show, even though he wouldn't turn to face the fireworks out of fear.  Nowadays, he doesn't curl up anymore, unless the fireworks are right outside our house.  New Year's Eve isn't as bad, but it's got its share of fireworks as well.  Sometimes if the music in our house can overcome the sound of the fireworks, he's ok.  Loud music is fine with him, as long as it's music he likes.

There's no deep, hidden meaning to this post.  Just wanted to share what this weekend is like for us.  Have a safe and happy 4th, emphasis on safe.

Harsh Reality

It has taken me quite a few days to sit down to write this, but with Father's Day fast approaching, it weighed heavier on me with each passing day.  It needed to be voiced in some manner.  Last week, Jason had an appointment with his neurologist.  Just a regular follow up, nothing major.  However, he hadn't seen the neurologist since being diagnosed with bipolar disorder.  Once the doctor was informed of the new development, he asked about his dosage of medications, how his behavior's been since the changes, etc.  He also talked to Jason for a bit one on one (I was still present).  He asked me about our long term plans for Jason, given the autism and bipolar.  What our goals were for him, academically and in life itself.  I told him the truth, our hopes are for him to graduate high school, MAYBE get through college and if we're lucky, he'll live in some kind of assisted living arrangement or facility.  That would mean he basically lives alone, with someone checking in on him a few times a week to make sure he has what he needs and doesn't hurt himself.  I was told that, barring any further progress, which is of course possible, he is at that point right now.  If something were to happen to us today, he is good enough to live alone with some help. 

Now, we try our best to just worry about the day to day because frankly, that's more than enough most of the time.  Worrying about the future is frustrating on MANY levels.  For starters, I know he'll probably never be well enough that I will feel comfortable with the idea of him living alone in any manner.  I accept that.  We came to the realization a long time ago that Jason would probably live with us till the day we die.  I'm good with that, that's the responsibility I signed up for when we decided to have children.  In the back of my mind, the constant worry is what happens after I'm gone.  There is always a little piece of you that hopes he will progress to such a point that a "normal" life will be possible.  Don't get me wrong, I still have hope for that.  That blue light will always shine, no matter what.  I try my best to shine it on him and get him to feel some hope as well.  Sometimes, though, the red light of rage brings me back to reality, when his rage leads him to do things and say things that he shouldn't be saying or doing.  On those days, it's hard to see the blue light at all.  Even though, we knew he was at that point, to hear the doctor say it out loud was very tough to hear. 

Some would say that we have done a great job getting him to this point, considering the condition he was in when he was first diagnosed.  Others might say we still haven't done enough, that he still isn't like other kids his age.  I try to tell myself the first sentence, but very often feel like the second.  It can cause a lot of friction between us, the responsibility, the worry, the feelings of failure and frustration, of simply not being a good enough parent to our son.  Marriage is never an easy thing, autism does not make it easier.  The divorce rate for parents with autistic children is around 90%.  We're still together over 10 years after diagnosis, not common at all.  The weight can be overbearing sometimes.  When a set of parents gets the diagnosis and asks us about what to expect, I always say to them, expect your marriage to suffer a lot.  Everyone talks about the impact on the child and rightfully so, but the impact on the parents, both in regards to the child and each other, is important as well.  This last week and a half, we have struggled with those thoughts, that future for Jason.  That meant a lot of stuff directed at each other, because who else are you going to direct it to?  Only someone who has walked in our shoes for a while can truly know how hard it is NOT to take shots at each other sometimes.  We're the easy target for each other.  Is it fair?  Hell, no. 

So, at the end of the day, you try your best to make things right with each other and with the child.  All you have are each other.  We try to understand each other's way of coping with things, and move on, cause the kid's not waiting around for us to get our act together.  We're still gonna work towards the day he can have a "normal" life, try to keep our fears and frustrations limited to ourselves.  It's a harsh reality, but he didn't ask for it, so we gotta try and make it work for him.

Weekend trip to the theater

Last Saturday, we decided to go see Thor and made the decision to bring Jason along.  He has previously been to the movies three times before, with varying results.  The first time was to see Monsters, Inc. when it first came out.  At the time he was obsessed with the Toy Story VHS, so we figured he would go for it.  He was fine until the lights went down and the previews started.  He clasped his hands over his ears, saying it was too loud.  Mommy ended up watching Monsters, Inc. while Daddy and Jason hung out in the hallway with a life size mock up of Mike and Sully.  The second time was to see Wall-E.  This time, he was the one asking to go, so we decided to give it a try, knowing one of us might end up in the hallway again.  He insisted on bringing his cousins, my brother's kids.  He was mesmerized the whole movie and absolutely loved it.  He even wanted to go to Target and buy the DVD that day.  It took some convincing for him to understand that the DVD wasn't out yet.  Of course, the day it was released on DVD, we had to run out and get it.  The third time was to see Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.  He had seen the first Transformers movie while shopping at Best Buy.  It was playing in the Blu-ray aisle, and he sat down cross legged in the aisle and watched the last hour of the movie.  (We couldn't leave until he saw how it ended)  He ended up using some birthday money that he had to buy a copy of the DVD for himself.  So, when the sequel was announced, he wanted to go.  He saw the whole movie, but he didn't like it.  We were just happy that for the second movie in a row, one of us didn't spend two hours in the hallway.

With all that said, we felt comfortable taking him to see Thor.  He had seen and liked Spider-Man, Spider-Man 2, X2: X-Men United and the entire Star Wars saga.  (Yes, he likes all six of them)  He gave a song and dance about not wanting to go, so I bribed him with pizza for dinner if he behaved.  Yes, I am not above bribery, call me Al Capone, cause Jason sure as heck isn't Eliot Ness.  During the previews, they showed Captain America: The First Avenger and Green Lantern.  When we asked him about those movies, he went to great lengths to hide his interest in Green Lantern, but his smirk told us what we needed to know.  He behaved during Thor and paid attention.  The biggest problem was the volume on the speakers when the thunder was being used.  Jason hates fireworks and thunder is barely tolerable, but magnified as it was, he wasn't liking it.  It was definitely louder than it normally would be.  When the movie was over and we were walking to dinner, we asked him if he liked the movie.  He said he thought Thor himself was cool, but he didn't like the thunder at all.  I was worried that I might have turned him off to the movie in general because of the noise.

After dinner, we went to Target for some stuff we needed.  Jason, as always, wanted to go to the toy section.  So I went with him, while Arlene got what we needed.  I was standing around looking at some stuff, when I found the Thor toys, including a hammer with button that lights up the hammer like it's shooting lightning and rumbles with recorded thunder.  Next thing I know, he's got one of the other hammers, and he's hitting me with it in exactly the same manner Thor was using it in the movie.  When I looked at him, he was giggling, saying "I AM THOR!"  So, I learned that he was DEFINITELY paying attention to the movie, and he wasn't so afraid he wasn't willing to take up the toy and pretend he was Thor.  Side note, Arlene asked me after the movie the real name of the actress playing Jane Foster.  I replied Natalie Portman.  She said, "I've seen her somewhere before."  I told her she was in Star Wars.  Jason chimed in with "She's Queen Amidala" just as I was saying that she was Padme Amidala.  Definitely was paying attention.  Good thing he didn't ask why she was kissing Thor when she's married to Anakin.

Posting comments, part 2

I worked on this a little more, just trying to see if I could head off any potential problems.  In the previous post, Amanda commented that her experience was that if the comment doesn't load, the best thing to do was to copy the comment, reload the page and paste the comment to try again and it would usually load properly the second time. 

I checked a little further last night, and have some (hopefully) helpful answers.  When you first come to the blog's page, in the top right hand corner, it should say either sign in or sign out.  If it says sign out, you are logged onto Blogger through some service (Google, AIM, etc.), so you should be able to leave comments with no problem.  If it says sign in, you can still leave comments, you just have some extra steps.  When you go to post a comment, you will see the comment box and underneath it will say "Comment as" with a drop down menu.  If you are signed in, your name will appear along with the service you are using.  If you are not signed in, the drop down menu shows various services used to sign in with.  If you use any of these services, select it ( Google for Gmail users), and you can then sign in and leave a comment.  If you don't want to sign in or don't use any of the services listed, near the bottom of the drop down is the option "Name/URL".  Select that one and it will let you just put your name or select "Anonymous" if you don't want anyone to know who you are.

Hope that was helpful.  Anyone still having trouble, please let me know and I will do my best to help out.

Arlene's side project

The title of this post makes it sound like something big and time consuming, but it really isn't.  Arlene decided to print out every post, along with its corresponding comments, and save them in a binder.  The hope is that someday Jason will be able to read them and fully comprehend why I did this, as well as appreciate the thoughts and feelings we had about past events in his life, like the awards ceremony on Thursday night.  Will the day come that he'll be able to read this blog and understand its meaning?  I hope so.  If that day comes, his mom will have it all saved for him.  Until then, I'll keep doing what I do and hoping. 

Every once in a while, there is a blue light

Last night, we were invited to an awards ceremony at Jason's middle school.  We did not know what award Jason was getting, although we had our suspicions about what it could be.  We were there, along with my parents.  Before I get into what Jason got, I have to first mention that several of Jason's classmates won awards as well.  While each and every one of them is special and impressive in their achievements, one in particular stood out. 

Every single time that his name was called, the whole auditorium clapped like crazy.  (We all clapped for every child, and the principal even mentioned that at the end, how we had been so supportive of all of the children, but the applause for this kid was different)  Some parents were even brought to tears.  The reason for this, is because this particular child is mentally handicapped and wheelchair bound.  He happens to ride on Jason's bus and waves hello to me every day when Jason is picked up in the morning.  He's a great kid, and tonight, he showed an auditorium full of parents and schoolmates to look past the wheelchair and the physical deficiencies to a child whose brain was as bright and intelligent as anyone else's. 

As for Jason, he walked away with not one, not two, but THREE awards.  The first was a certificate for Outstanding Achievement in Social Studies.  The second was a certificate for the President's Award for Excellence, presented by the President's Education Awards Program for Outstanding Academic Excellence.  The last was a trophy for getting straight A's on his report card for all eight marking periods that he has been in middle school (6th and 7th grades).  There were a lot of high fives, hugging, kisses from mom and grandma, and grandma shed more than a few tears also.  Nights like that help soften the memories of other nights that you would much rather forget.  On nights like this, the blue light shines very bright indeed.